Paleo Sriracha (Homemade 20-Minute Sriracha)

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Question: Who doesn’t love sriracha?

Answer: People who haven’t tried it yet.

But I know you. You’re a sriracha connoisseur. The first time you spied it on the table at your favorite Vietnamese joint and squirted some onto your spoonful of phở, you were hooked. You squealed when you spotted little squeeze packets of sriracha at the food truck near your office. You sought out the rooster-emblazoned bottle with the green top at Asian supermarkets. You stockpiled the stuff in your pantry and ate the spicy, umami-packed condiment with, well, everything.

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You even got yourself a T-shirt with the Huy Fong Sriracha Sauce logo on it. Also? A matching iPhone case and tattoo. And why not? Sriracha’s been called The World’s Greatest Condiment and The Most Amazing Condiment on the Planet and “a delicious blessing flavored with the incandescent glow of a thousand dying suns" — and you know that’s no hyperbole. Sriracha is magic.

But then you went Paleo. And for the first time, you read the ingredients on your store-bought squeeze bottle of sriracha. You saw that it contains stuff you don’t recognize, like potassium sorbate, sodium bisulfite, and xantham gum. And it felt like someone let all the air out of your balloon.

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You couldn’t bear to toss out your sriracha. But you ate it less frequently. And when you did, you felt a gnawing guilt about ingesting all those chemical preservatives. Every time you passed by your pantry, you eyed that bright orange bottle with longing — until the little voice in your head whispered: “Faileo.”

Yeah, after some furious Googling, you found a detailed recipe on the Internet for D.I.Y. sriracha — but it calls for a week of fermentation and daily stirring. And sadly, patience isn’t one of your virtues. You want sriracha today. Sad face.

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I know how you feel. I felt the same way…until now.

For a while, Henry and I have been testing and re-testing various ways to make a quick, real-ingredients-only version of the world-famous “Rooster Sauce.” There were plenty of challenges: Getting the right balance of spice, tang, and sweetness. Mastering the texture. Achieving a deep, rich, satisfying umami without a week of fermentation. Not rubbing capsaicin into our eyes.

After tinkering with the formula for months, we knew we were close to unlocking the ancient Asian secret of sriracha. (Actually, what we all think of as “sriracha” — the Huy Fong version — is an Asian-American concoction. Just like modern ketchup, it was first made in the U.S.A. by Vietnamese immigrant David Tran. And it’s not all that ancient, either, having been birthed in the 1980s.)

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After a long shift at the hospital yesterday, I came home with a bag of fresh red jalapeños, and decided to stay up until the code was cracked. Henry and I rolled up our sleeves, and soon enough, we captured lightning in a (squeeze) bottle.

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That’s right: In our hands is the Holy Grail of Condiments: Paleo Sriracha.

Want the recipe? Well, I’ve decided to offer it only in my iPad cookbook app.

KIDDING! Really — stop screaming at your computer screen, and check out the recipe after the jump. (Though if you own an iPad and have more than five bucks in the bank but still haven’t bought my app, I have a bone to pick with you, buster.)

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Spicy Pineapple Salsa

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When I’m in a hurry to get something — anything —  in my belly, I grab some cooked protein (e.g. Slow Cooker Kalua Pig) and top it with a potent flavor booster, like spicy pineapple salsa. This sweet, crunchy, spicy, sour, and juicy condiment elevates everything you spoon it on. Plus, it keeps for a few days in the fridge. Emergency flavor booster + emergency protein = happy mommy.

Here’s what to gather to make 2 cups:

  • 1½ cups (340 grams) diced pineapple 
  • 1 Persian cucumber, peeled, diced and seeds removed 
  • 1 jalapeño pepper, diced (remove ribs and seeds if you can’t stand the heat)
  • ¼ cup diced red onion
  • ¼ cup minced cilantro
  • 2 tablespoons extra virgin olive oil
  • Juice from 1 lime
  • Kosher salt
  • Freshly ground black pepper

Here’s how to make it:

Combine everything in a bowl and season to taste with salt and pepper.

That’s it.

What? You want to see the step-by-step photos and play-by-play color commentary? Then keep reading after the jump…

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